In May of this year Jada Pinkett Smith shared a Red Table Talk along with her daughter, mother, and author and trauma psychotherapist Kelly McDaniel to discuss "Mother Hunger", its devastating impact on the "mother/daughter relationship", and how that trauma can show up in our lives. The video was shared amongst our "tribe" and many folks who watched the video resonated with so many points throughout the talk. My tribe is a group of folks who have walked together over the years to uplift and encourage each other to living authentically and that means being vulnerable and discussing how we share a commonality of painful relationships with our mothers. Each of us felt strong emotions after watching the talk and I believe that watching three women, mothers and daughters, talk to each other about healing from pain they caused each other was inspirational yet bitter sweet.
When I was a small child I remember thinking that my mother smelled like comfort, I called it her "mom smell" and when I sat on her lap I tried to breath it in as deep as possible.
When I was no longer able to sit on her lap that comfort went away and I started to feel like she was always disappointed in me. That began years of bickering and cycles of us fighting (sometimes physically) on a regular basis.
When I became a teenager I stopped bringing my friends to our home because her behavior was embarrassing and I did everything possible to stay out of my house as often as I could.
When I got married, had children, and then became a homeless single mother after their father was gone she did very little to support me and often times made things worse on purpose.
My mother wound runs so deep that I forgot I was hungry for it and that shit manifested in my life in so many hideous and damaging ways.
I'm thankful for The Porch. I'm thankful for the folks who held space for me as I unpacked and continue to unpack and recover from the mother/daughter trauma in my life. Without them and this space there's no way I would have dealt with these wounds on my own, I probably wouldn't have sought therapy because I thought I was fine.
Maybe you think you're fine too. I invite you to join the tribe this weekend and find out.
Sarah Foster is a Holistic Wellness Educator and Doula that provides whole person wellness education along with Full Spectrum Doula support for all birthing peoples. This support includes providing thoughtful emotional, spiritual, and physical support before, during, and after pregnancy and pregnancy loss. If you or someone you love in interested in support let's connect! I look forward to connecting!