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This pumpkin cake represents breaking cycles.

It's moist and dense and cut weird but its freaking delicious! My oldest daughter made it this Sunday morning and proudly shared some of the first bites with me and I was so very glad she did.

She often bakes or cooks REALLY yummy food, the kind that isnt always the best for my waistline and leads me to more sit-ups! But she does it with such joy, love, and intention that there's no way I'd turn down anything she offers me. Not only because the food is good but because I love my daughter and this is her way of showing she loves me.

I was a teenage parent when my daughter came into the world. She was born the first day of my senior year in highschool, I'll never forget it because the teacher told me I had 10 days to heal before I'd have to go back to school. My mother was already a single parent and couldnt handle an additional child in the home and no one wanted to hang out with the girl that brings her kid everywhere. This was well before "Teen Mom" was cool on TV so I became an outcast and had to figure out parenting and adulting without a helpful support system.

I had two more children years later when I married, I was older and read books and tried to build a "perfect family". But let's be honest, perfect is unrealistic and I made many mistakes as a parent. Some of which impacted just my oldest daughter and made her feel unloved even though I assumed she knew she was greatly loved. My daughter and I experienced many hardships and losses before she was even in highscool herself and I was afraid our relationship would end. I was afraid that I was doomed to repeat the cycle of my mother and her mother before her with destructive behaviors that led to resentment and lost love.

I made a choice, about 4 years ago when I learned my grandson was coming, that I would not allow that cycle to continue and I would not repeat the failed relationships I had seen played out in my life. I would learn and grow and do better and ask for help when I needed it. My daughter and I have learned a new level of love for each other that I never experienced with my own mother and I am grateful. So when my beautiful pain in the ass offers me cake, I take the cake and smile and sometimes shed a tear. This pumpkin cake is a symbol of breaking cycles and its freaking delicious.


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